Featured In-Stock Items

Owners of balm-eating Bichon Frisés, washers of balm-containing pants, leavers of balm in hot cars, this listing is for you.

At the start of each season, you'll receive three seasonal flavors of lip balm. Two will be flavors of my choosing from the regular lineup, and one will be a super secret subscription-exclusive flavor. You'll get three balms in June, three balms in September, three balms in December, and three balms in March. Shipping for all four shipments is reflected in this listing, so all you have to do for the rest of the year is watch your mailbox. (Not for the whole year, just when you're expecting a shipment.)

Unfortunately I can't accept requests for specific flavors, but be sure to let me know of any aversions or allergies to essential oils. I can't change my base recipe though, sorry!

Base ingredients: Beeswax (scent intact), Cocoa Butter (scent intact), Shea Butter (refined), Jojoba, Sweet Almond Oil, Grapeseed Oil, Vitamin e

Also let me know:
- When you'd like to start the subscription! I can hold off for a special date for the first shipment, or I can send it out on my next shipping day reflecting the current season.
- The shipping address, if you're having it shipped to a friend.
- What you'd like written on the note, if you're having it shipped to a friend. (The first shipment comes with an explanation of what's going to go down in their mailbox for the rest of the year, so you can keep it to personal affirmations of affection.)

If there is no message with your order, I'll ship the first shipment right away for the current season to the address provided without a note on the explanatory literature.

**Vintage berry basket not included

Shopping for someone else but not sure what to give them? Give them the gift of choice with a Long Winter Soap Co. Gift Card.

Gift cards are delivered by email (not mail, as they are DIGITAL) and contain instructions to redeem them at checkout. Our gift cards have no additional processing fees.

Sweet juicy dragonfruit, minus the weird seeds all up in your teeth.

About .3oz in a little glass bottle complete with roll-on thinger. Individually shrink wrapped, and tested on friends, not animals.

The carrier oils I use are fractionated coconut oil and unrefined hemp seed oil, which make for a light, non-greasy feel when applied. The vitamin e is in there as an antioxidant. You'll notice the shocking lack of alcohol.

Ingredients: Fractionated Coconut Oil; Unrefined Hemp Seed Oil; Fragrance Oil; Tocopherol (Vitamin E)

Smells just exactly like real imaginary unicorn farts! Which smell like spearmint and pink cotton candy, everybody knows that.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

'Unicorn Farts' for cosmetic use is a registered trademark. My registered trademark, to be specific. Thank you for respecting my intellectual property and legal headaches, bath folk!

Yetis eat yellow snow. So this tastes like a lemon coconut snow cone! Heck yeah, lemon snow cones.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

Ponies like two things: apples and sugar cubes. OK, and carrots and scritchies and playing tag, but mostly apples and sugar cubes. This balm smells like those two things. You can stop making out with your pony now.*

*Tina Belcher glasses not included, but recommended.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

We know how y'all love to make a statement with your lip balms, so we're giving you some options for Valentine's Day! With twelve different phrases, you should be able to find one to match any relationship or lack thereof.* 

Love is complicated enough, so we kept it simple and flavored them all with chocolate and strawberries. We figured that wouldn't clash with the traditional snacks of the day, and to be honest, we didn't want to think about what your relationship tastes like.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

*Not classy enough for you? Please find our personalized Suck It balm here.

Cranberry + gin. Like what you were drinking at the office holiday party last year when you made out with that hot intern from accounting. Think they're on Facebook?

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

If you don't like puppy kisses, you can't sit with us. Flavored with peanut butter and pumpkin, and you don't even have to wonder where it's been!*

*No puppies were harmed in the taking of this photo, but Buckley did require 11 treats to sort of sit still for almost (but not quite) long enough to take an in-focus shot.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

For all those times some asshole keeps interrupting you and you nearly bite through your lip. We flavored it with coffee and walnut, because we suddenly and inexplicably were in the mood for pairing nuts and scalding hot coffee. 

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

If you're like us, you spent most of yesterday reading the Mueller Report, then getting good and drunk and reading it again. We decided to handle this news the way we handle all news: with a lip balm. 

This balm is flavored with Peach and Champagne (fingers crossed!!!) and is a perfect way to tell everyone that you've had enough of this shit already. We've gotten a lot of requests for this lip balm. We've resisted until now, because we prefer to come up with our own jokes and in comedy, timing is everything.

ALSO: If you'd like to send 1 or 100 of these to your Elected Officials who can actually do something to stop this train wreck of corruption, we would be honored to do that for you. Just find your officials at GovTrack and put their district office address in the shipping address, just like you would for sending Grandma her birthday soap! You should also call (both your representatives and your Grandma.)

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

We've heard that a lot of you use our more salty lip balms as not-so-subtle messages in uncomfortable social situations, so we thought we'd give you a few more (even saltier) options. Now you can stock your drawer with a full spectrum of silent retorts and be prepared for whoever shows up in front of your desk!

Each balm in this series has its own insult and its own flavor, so choose wisely! And no, Karen, we can't switch up the flavors. 

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

Reindeer Farts (the flying kind, don't get all zoology major on us) smell like peppermint-frosted sugar cookies. You didn't think Santa ate all those cookies himself, did you?

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

This listing is for 50 tubes of lip balm favors with labels customized by color and message. If you need 100 tubes, add 2 of this listing to your cart.  If you need 150, add 3, 200 add 4, etc.  After you've purchased, don't forget to contact me with the date of your event, your chosen flavors (please keep it up to 5 of the flavors listed below) and your chosen message (examples below). 

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and peppermint essential oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

The balm comes in oval plastic twist-up tubes, which hold .15oz/4g each and are individually shrink wrapped.

Please allow up to three weeks for delivery, as this listing is made to order. 

Flavors: 

• Almond
• Banana Nut
• Birch Beer
• Bourbon
• Chai
• Cherry Almond
• Chocolate Lavender
• Cocoa Rose
• Coconut Limeade
• Coffee Brandy
• Earl Grey
• Gooseberry
• Grape
• Honey
• Julep
• Lavender Honey
• Lavender Peach
• Maple Almond
• Mojito
• Orange Cream
• Peach
• Pegasus
• Peppermint Hot Cocoa
• Piña Colada
• Pistachio Chip
• Plain Jane (unscented)
• Pony Breath
• Pumpkin Cheesecake
• Puppy Kisses
• Raspberry Lime
• Sea Sprite
• Strawberry Jam
• Toffee
• Turkish Delight
• Unicorn Farts
• Vanilla Mint
• Watermelon
• White Almond
• Yeti Breath

And some popular messages:

"Aubrey + Harvey
Sittin' in a Tree"

"Lindsay & Heather
July 23rd, 2016"

"Team Johnson
July 23rd, 2016"

"Thank you for sharing this day,
Gabby & Jill"

"We're so glad you came!
Vincent & Gabe"

"We loved your company!
Hannah & Mark"

As always, we're diehard allies of the LGBTQP community! We're honored to be included in your celebration of love, regardless of your pronoun or preference. 

• Description
• Ingredients
• How to Use

• Our sweater soap is made using the same old fashioned method as our people soap, but formulated to clean and refresh your knits with lots of coconut oil and lanolin. This formula is palm-free and packaged without any plastic whatsoever. It's also gentle on your skin, so it can pull double duty in a pinch!

  Scent: Star Anise & Peppermint

  About 5-6oz per bar.
  
  Superfatted to 5%, tested on friends (and their sweaters), not animals. Each bar comes in its own little muslin bag and wrapped in recycled brown paper printed with title and ingredients.
  
  

• Ingredients: Water; Lye; Coconut, Rapeseed, and Olive Oils; Lanolin; Star Anise & Peppermint Essential Oils

• To use solid sweater soap, all you have to do is get a sink full of water cloudy with soap before adding your garment, either by letting the water run over the bar or by washing your hands into the soaking water. Remove the soap, let your garment get all happy and relaxed for about half an hour with occasional gentle agitation, rinse, and block as usual. 

  Never scrub your knitwear directly, and if you're concerned about colors bleeding, soak those swatches before committing to a whole project!

 

Show that special someone that you've got her back, especially when she gets in there with both hands and lights a fire.

Flavor: dark chocolate mousse

 

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

The one thing that sucks harder than Karen.

Unscented so as not to interfere with treatments. 

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

Last month we asked the internet to name their favorite hot toddy recipe. The internet responded. In force. After repeatedly testing each suggestion carefully, we have concluded that the best and most oft-suggested recipe consists of bourbon, honey, ginger, and lemon. It's entirely possible that we're biased due to testing this recipe every single time it was suggested--for science. Either way, now it's a lip balm.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

Just like Maine's favorite cocktail, this is flavored with ginger and dark rum with a twist of lime.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic. Sad!

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

We don’t want to offend anyone, but we’ve decided that this COVID-19 virus kind of sucks. We’re definitely ready for it to be over so we can get back to normal, but this thing is really scary, so we’re staying home, washing our hands, and getting real creative with the liquor cabinet.

Which is why this lip balm tastes like bathtub gin, just like my Great Great Aunt Dora made back in 1918 (and, let’s be honest, all the way until the end of Prohibition).

And because we’d really like the scientists to get this thing under control and skip that whole second wave, we’ll be donating $1 from each lip balm sold (up to $500) to the World Heath Organization.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

This isn't your grandma's lip balm. Unless you're from Maine, then it's *definitely* your grandma's lip balm

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

I have it on good authority that mermaids serve coconut lavender cakes at their underwater garden tea parties, so I went ahead and put it in a lip balm. Mostly sweet coconut cream with a little lavender to keep it civil.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

This is probably my favorite floral scent, sweet and youthful without smelling like a dessert or a lady of the night. Well maybe a little bit with that last one, depending on the night.

About .3oz in a little glass bottle complete with roll-on thinger. Individually shrink wrapped, and tested on friends, not animals.

The carrier oils I use are fractionated coconut oil and unrefined hemp seed oil, which make for a light, non-greasy feel when applied. The vitamin e is in there as an antioxidant. You'll notice the shocking lack of alcohol.

Ingredients: Fractionated Coconut Oil; Unrefined Hemp Seed Oil; Fragrance Oil; Tocopherol (Vitamin E)

Scented with a sharply floral white tea and soft fruity jasmine. Yeah, it's girly AF.

About .3oz in a little glass bottle complete with roll-on thinger. Individually shrink wrapped, and tested on friends, not animals.

The carrier oils I use are fractionated coconut oil and unrefined hemp seed oil, which make for a light, non-greasy feel when applied. The vitamin e is in there as an antioxidant. You'll notice the shocking lack of alcohol.

Ingredients: Fractionated Coconut Oil; Unrefined Hemp Seed Oil; Fragrance Oil; Tocopherol (Vitamin E)

This may be my favorite scent of all time. Then again, I think grass stains on the knees is a flawless sign of happy children and my favorite kind of adults, so I could be partial. The scent is lush, sweet, and very green, just like a freshly mowed lawn.

About .3oz in a little glass bottle complete with roll-on thinger. Individually shrink wrapped, and tested on friends, not animals.

The carrier oils I use are fractionated coconut oil and unrefined hemp seed oil, which make for a light, non-greasy feel when applied. The vitamin e is in there as an antioxidant. You'll notice the shocking lack of alcohol.

Ingredients: Fractionated Coconut Oil; Unrefined Hemp Seed Oil; Fragrance Oil; Tocopherol (Vitamin E)

Definitely one of my favorite scents of all time. Some say it smells like sun-ripened raspberries, but tangier and with an earthy edge.

About .3oz in a little glass bottle complete with roll-on thinger. Individually shrink wrapped, and tested on friends, not animals.

The carrier oils I use are fractionated coconut oil and unrefined hemp seed oil, which make for a light, non-greasy feel when applied. The vitamin e is in there as an antioxidant. You'll notice the shocking lack of alcohol.

Ingredients: Fractionated Coconut Oil; Unrefined Hemp Seed Oil; Fragrance Oil; Tocopherol (Vitamin E)

Extremely accurate cucumber fragrance oil (not that cucumber melon syrup nonsense) with a shot of peppermint essential oil.  It's pretty fresh stuff.

About .3oz in a little glass bottle complete with roll-on thinger. Individually shrink wrapped, and tested on friends, not animals.  

The carrier oils I use are fractionated coconut oil and unrefined hemp seed oil, which make for a light, non-greasy feel when applied. The vitamin e is in there as an antioxidant. You'll notice the shocking lack of alcohol.

Ingredients: Fractionated Coconut Oil; Unrefined Hemp Seed Oil; Fragrance and Essential Oils; Tocopherol (Vitamin E)

This one combines green grass with fresh, clean smells, like playing under a clothesline in the sunshine.

About .3oz in a little glass bottle complete with roll-on thinger. Individually shrink wrapped, and tested on friends, not animals.

The carrier oils I use are fractionated coconut oil and unrefined hemp seed oil, which make for a light, non-greasy feel when applied. The vitamin e is in there as an antioxidant. You'll notice the shocking lack of alcohol.

Ingredients: Fractionated Coconut Oil; Unrefined Hemp Seed Oil; Fragrance Oil; Tocopherol (Vitamin E)