Unicorns and Politics

Smells just exactly like real imaginary unicorn farts! Which smell like spearmint and pink cotton candy, everybody knows that.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

'Unicorn Farts' for cosmetic use is a registered trademark. My registered trademark, to be specific. Thank you for respecting my intellectual property and legal headaches, bath folk!

For all those times some asshole keeps interrupting you and you nearly bite through your lip. We flavored it with coffee and walnut, because we suddenly and inexplicably were in the mood for pairing nuts and scalding hot coffee. 

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

If you're like us, you spent most of yesterday reading the Mueller Report, then getting good and drunk and reading it again. We decided to handle this news the way we handle all news: with a lip balm. 

This balm is flavored with Peach and Champagne (fingers crossed!!!) and is a perfect way to tell everyone that you've had enough of this shit already. We've gotten a lot of requests for this lip balm. We've resisted until now, because we prefer to come up with our own jokes and in comedy, timing is everything.

ALSO: If you'd like to send 1 or 100 of these to your Elected Officials who can actually do something to stop this train wreck of corruption, we would be honored to do that for you. Just find your officials at GovTrack and put their district office address in the shipping address, just like you would for sending Grandma her birthday soap! You should also call (both your representatives and your Grandma.)

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

 

Show that special someone that you've got her back, especially when she gets in there with both hands and lights a fire.

Flavor: dark chocolate mousse

 

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

This smells just exactly like real imaginary unicorn farts! Which obviously smell like strawberry cotton candy and spearmint, everybody knows that.

About .3oz in a little glass bottle complete with roll-on thinger. Individually shrink wrapped, and tested on friends, not animals.

The carrier oils I use are fractionated coconut oil and unrefined hemp seed oil, which make for a light, non-greasy feel when applied. The vitamin e is in there as an antioxidant. You'll notice the shocking lack of alcohol.

Ingredients: Fractionated Coconut Oil; Unrefined Hemp Seed Oil; Fragrance Oil; Tocopherol (Vitamin E)

Hey Donald, here's your pink slip. Start packing your shit. We'll just be over here drinking champagne.

Flavored with orange and champagne. 

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

Here in Maine, we're familiar with the power of snowflakes. When assembled towards a common goal they'll change the course of your whole day, and sometimes even history. We flavored this snowflake with hot chocolate and brandy so you can be extra prepared for the next avalanche. 

Be honest, how many times today were you called a snowflake for being a conscious, empathetic, decent human being? About time we appropriate the word, don't ya think?

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

Unicorn Farts smell like spearmint and cotton candy, everyone knows that.  In this instance, however, they're missing the cotton candy half.  See, cotton candy turns soap brown, and Unicorn Sharts are not adorable.  Spearmint oil is very sweet-smelling though, so you won't have to cry too hard about it.

No two batches or bars are alike, so please allow for some variation in color and swirl.  Every bar of Unicorn Farts looks ridiculous though, I can promise you that.

About 5oz per bar.

Superfatted to 5%, tested on friends, not animals. Each bar comes in its own little muslin bag, wrapped in a recycled paper band, printed with title and ingredients.

Ingredients: Water; Lye; Coconut, Palm, Olive, Sunflower, and Canola Oils; Shea Butter; Spearmint Essential Oil; Oxide Colorants; Kaolinite Clay

"Unicorn Farts" is a registered trademark, so please don't use it to name your bath products and/or child. 

 

This limited time lip balm is perfect for standing in line to vote early, driving all of your apathetic friends to the polls on election day, and protesting all winter after the Russians hack the results. 

Flavored with blueberry and pineapple, like a fresh, clean, tropical wave coming in to flip our canoe back into balance.

$1 from each lip balm will be donated to the Brennan Center to aid in their fight to ensure everyone's vote counts.  

*** ONLY AVAILABLE UNTIL ELECTION DAY ***

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.