Lip Balm Menu
Looking for a sold out scent? Try the search bar!
19 products
19 products
19 products
Read My Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDWe've heard that a lot of you use our more salty lip balms as not-so-subtle messages in uncomfortable social situations, so we thought we'd give you a few more (even saltier) options. Now you can stock your drawer with a full spectrum of silent retorts and be prepared for whoever shows up in front of your desk!
Each balm in this series has its own insult and its own flavor, so choose wisely! And no, Karen, we can't switch up the flavors.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Pony Breath Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDPonies like two things: apples and sugar cubes. OK, and carrots and scritchies and playing tag, but mostly apples and sugar cubes. This balm smells like those two things. You can stop making out with your pony now.*
*Tina Belcher glasses not included, but recommended.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Reindeer Farts Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDYeti Breath Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDPuppy Kisses Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDIf you don't like puppy kisses, you can't sit with us. Flavored with peanut butter and pumpkin, and you don't even have to wonder where it's been!*
*No puppies were harmed in the taking of this photo, but Buckley did require 11 treats to sort of sit still for almost (but not quite) long enough to take an in-focus shot.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Suck It, Cancer Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDThe one thing that sucks harder than Karen.
Unscented so as not to interfere with treatments.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Suck It, COVID Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDWe don’t want to offend anyone, but we’ve decided that this COVID-19 virus kind of sucks. We’re definitely ready for it to be over so we can get back to normal, but this thing is really scary, so we’re staying home, washing our hands, and getting real creative with the liquor cabinet.
Which is why this lip balm tastes like bathtub gin, just like my Great Great Aunt Dora made back in 1918 (and, let’s be honest, all the way until the end of Prohibition).
And because we’d really like the scientists to get this thing under control and skip that whole second wave, we’ll be donating $1 from each lip balm sold (up to $500) to the World Heath Organization.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Noir Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDBaby, with our balm and your lips, we could go places.
Flavor: black cherry + bourbon
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Polar Bear Farts Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDRum & Cola Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDSanta Breath Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USD"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus and then I asked Mommy why she was kissing Santa Claus and Mommy said she was kissing Santa Claus because he tastes like chocolate chip cookies. Her hair was messed up. I like cookies."
TLDR: it smells like chocolate chip cookies.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Spoiler Alert Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDIf you're thinking about being that jackass who spoils the movie for everyone else, take a minute, put on some lip balm, and remember that BRUCE WILLIS WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME! Each label is armed with one of hundreds of different spoilers. Some are obvious, some are obscure, some are rewrites to reflect what obviously should have happened instead of what actually happened. Sorry, we're going to have to pick the spoilers for you. No, we can't tell you which one you're going to get, that would spoil it.
Flavor: chocolate and soda. Because movies, and popcorn is so clichéd.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Pizza Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDThis is a little heavy on the oregano, but otherwise kind of disgustingly true to a real piece of pizza. Like, have you ever been so desparately chapped that you used pizza grease on your lips? It's like that, but with better feels.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Pumpkin Chip Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDPossibly our most-requested lip balm flavor, this one's been a long time coming! We finally found the perfect just plain pumpkin spice to pair with deep dark chocolate.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Pumpkin Bourbon Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDHere in Damariscotta, we have an annual pumpkin regatta, in which grown ass men carve out giant pumpkins, lower themselves into said pumpkins, and race down the river. As you may have guessed, this regatta is best observed on the happy side of sober. Luckily, Damariscotta also has a long tradition of grown ass beverage consumption.
Flavor: pumpkin, brown sugar, bourbon
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Teacher’s Aide Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDSure you can send your kid to school with an apple for the teacher, but if you really want to get on their good side, send bourbon. They're going to need it.
Tastes like apples (duh) and bourbon.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Holiday Cheer Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDEggnog and peppermint, for all those times someone accuses you of being completely devoid of holiday cheer. Just reach in your pocket and smugly apply with label aimed at the accuser.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Unicorn Farts Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDBunny Farts Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDLet's put a pin in the whole biology thing and say that bunny farts smell like carrot cake.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Get newsletters from us! All the cool kids are doing it.