All the Things

"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus and then I asked Mommy why she was kissing Santa Claus and Mommy said she was kissing Santa Claus because he tastes like chocolate chip cookies. Her hair was messed up. I like cookies."

TLDR: it smells like chocolate chip cookies.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

Yes, Sir Attenborough, we know polar bear farts really smell like seal blubber. The cartoon polar bears at our workshop fart white chocolate and peppermint! 

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

Baby, with our balm and your lips, we could go places. 

Flavor: black cherry + bourbon

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

Named for and designed after my literary "if you could live anywhere...", this pair's perfect for all those long walks to Charles Hayter's house.

These mittens are knit bottom up using approximately 240 yards of DK weight yarn (sample knit with a single skein of ontheround Cottage DK in Snapdragon) and needles to achieve a gauge of 24 stitches and 34 rows per 4” (likely US 3 / 3.25 mm or US 4 / 3.5 mm, US 2.5 / 3 mm if you're loosey goosey).

The stitches and chart are intermediate-to-advanced level, but I've found that a determined beginner can figure out a complicated chart if they're stubborn enough, and I'm always available to enab--I mean hold your hand.

(This is digital knitting pattern for cabled mittens. No, you're not getting an actual pair of hand-knit mittens for $8. Come on now. A download link will display after checkout.)

We don’t want to offend anyone, but we’ve decided that this COVID-19 virus kind of sucks. We’re definitely ready for it to be over so we can get back to normal, but this thing is really scary, so we’re staying home, washing our hands, and getting real creative with the liquor cabinet.

Which is why this lip balm tastes like bathtub gin, just like my Great Great Aunt Dora made back in 1918 (and, let’s be honest, all the way until the end of Prohibition).

And because we’d really like the scientists to get this thing under control and skip that whole second wave, we’ll be donating $1 from each lip balm sold (up to $500) to the World Heath Organization.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

100lb heavyweight card stock. Foil. 4.25 x 5.5 inches. Illustrated by Danielle Kroll.

100lb heavyweight card stock. Offset printed. 4.25 x 5.5 inches. Illustrated by Josie Portillo.

100lb heavyweight card stock. Die cut, foil. 5 x 7 inches. Illustrated by Kate Pugsley.

Iron on Patch | approx. 3"x3" Our patches are machine washable and have iron on adhesive on the back. We always advise also sewing them on for durability and longevity. Instructions are included in the package. © Antiquaria 2019

Iron on Patch | approx. 3"x3" Our patches are machine washable and have iron on adhesive on the back. We always advise also sewing them on for durability and longevity. Instructions are included in the package. © Antiquaria 2019

A2 Folded Card (4.25"X5.5"), Full Color, Blank Interior, Cream Envelope. Made in USA.

15 oz.

10 oz enamel mug. Permanently Printed. Dishwasher and Microwave Safe.

10 oz I Ran Out of Coffee Enamel Mug. 15 oz.

15 oz.

15 oz.

15 oz enamel mug.

This recycled cotton lunch bag has been screen printed by hand in my northwest studio. Recycled cotton is the most eco friendly option available. It is made from cotton scraps, both organic and natural, that would ordinarily go to the landfill! Zero waste living at its finest. 100% Recycled cotton lunch bag with Velcro closure 7"W x 10.5"H x 4.5" Gusset cold wash, hang dry

This recycled cotton lunch bag has been screen printed by hand in my northwest studio. Recycled cotton is the most eco friendly option available. It is made from cotton scraps, both organic and natural, that would ordinarily go to the landfill! Zero waste living at its finest. 100% Recycled cotton lunch bag with Velcro closure 7"W x 10.5"H x 4.5" Gusset cold wash, hang dry

The one thing that sucks harder than Karen.

Unscented so as not to interfere with treatments. 

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

- A2 size (4 1/4"x 5 1/2" when folded) - Blank interior - Brown Bag Kraft envelope (100% Recycled) - Printed on Classic Crest 100 lb. Recycled Bright White - Printed in Denver, Colorado.

A2 size (4 1/4"x 5 1/2" when folded), Blank interior, Brown Bag Kraft envelope (100% Recycled), Printed on Strathmore 88lb. cover stock, Printed in Denver, Colorado.

A2 size (4 1/4"x 5 1/2" when folded), Blank interior, Brown Bag Kraft envelope (100% Recycled), Printed on Strathmore 88lb. cover stock, Printed in Denver, Colorado.

A2 size (4 1/4"x 5 1/2" when folded), Blank interior, Brown Bag Kraft envelope (100% Recycled), Printed on Strathmore 88lb. cover stock, Printed in Denver, Colorado.

- A2 size (4 1/4"x 5 1/2" when folded) - Blank interior - Brown Bag Kraft envelope (100% Recycled) - Printed on 100 lb. Classic Crest. - Printed in Denver, Colorado.

A2 size (4 1/4"x 5 1/2" when folded), Blank interior, Brown Bag Kraft envelope (100% Recycled), Printed on Strathmore 88lb. cover stock, Printed in Denver, Colorado.

A2 size (4 1/4"x 5 1/2" when folded), Blank interior, Brown Bag Kraft envelope (100% Recycled), Printed on Strathmore 88lb. cover stock, Printed in Denver, Colorado.

We've heard that a lot of you use our more salty lip balms as not-so-subtle messages in uncomfortable social situations, so we thought we'd give you a few more (even saltier) options. Now you can stock your drawer with a full spectrum of silent retorts and be prepared for whoever shows up in front of your desk!

Each balm in this series has its own insult and its own flavor, so choose wisely! And no, Karen, we can't switch up the flavors. 

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.