If you're like us, you spent most of yesterday reading the Mueller Report, then getting good and drunk and reading it again. We decided to handle this news the way we handle all news: with a lip balm.
This balm is flavored with Peach and Champagne (fingers crossed!!!) and is a perfect way to tell everyone that you've had enough of this shit already. We've gotten a lot of requests for this lip balm. We've resisted until now, because we prefer to come up with our own jokes and in comedy, timing is everything.
ALSO: If you'd like to send 1 or 100 of these to your Elected Officials who can actually do something to stop this train wreck of corruption, we would be honored to do that for you. Just find your officials at GovTrack and put their district office address in the shipping address, just like you would for sending Grandma her birthday soap! You should also call (both your representatives and your Grandma.)
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.